Cold Turkey Quick Fix
Are you ready to be less predictable and downright mysterious?
Now that you have owned your responsibility for your reaction habits (The motto: This is unfortunate, inconvenient, and unpleasant, but not a disaster unless I decide to make it one.) and you have been successful in restraining your habitual overreactions, what can you say in place of your usual response?
The goal of MysteryShrink for the Short Attention Span (MAAT) is strategy, theory and explanations are in other locations.
The Cold Turkey Quick Fix lands right in the middle of the table covered with traditional goodies and traditional battlegrounds. Keep in mind. People are predictable. You don’t have to be.
**To not be confused with programs designed to sell products or make people admire or like you, I want to be clear that the goal of MAAT is to suggest actions which are known to help individuals experience deeper and more satisfying relationships. Including a better relationship with yourself which is important since we are usually our own worst enemy. These ideas are to support you in your struggle to be the person you want to be and have absolutely nothing to do with changing others. In fact, when you catch yourself focusing on what’s in the head of the other person—(most likely you’ll notice how you’re working hard here and they’re not responding the way you hoped), you’ve missed the lesson.
That said, it’s important that you not ‘try out’ any behavior that does not make sense to you. Don’t take my word, but think through for yourself and decide what makes sense and what doesn’t.
In a later post I will say more on the difference between love-communicating, truthful relationships and ‘transactional’ relationships by relating a most horrifying and people-using ‘learning experience’ at a marketing seminar I was forced (not at gunpoint, but close) to attend. I guarantee it will take your breath away.
Now back to the turkeyg athering and some possible responses to fill the gap you would usually fill with a defensive response.
Situation 1. The Politically Conscious Guest
Let’s say your cousin is troubled by your political foolishness. Doesn’t matter from which foxhole the grenade is tossed. The goal is the same. The goal is to coax you into a predictable defensive response and the game is on. Think of it like a tennis match, each player trying to trick the other with a superior shot. Now picture yourself letting the spinning white ball whiz right passed you, landing softly on the back screen.
Situation 2. The Guest Concerned about how other People Spend Their Time
Most of these comments begin with the phrase, “Can you believe . . .” and end with a condemnation of an activity. Could be watching a certain television program or could be a questioning of gardening or eating organic. The basic theme is, “What’s wrong with those people?” Now picture yourself letting the spinning white ball whiz right passed you, landing softly on the back screen.
Situation 3. The Guest Concerned about how other people spend money. The phrase often opens with, “What kind of person would . . .” and closes with how much a house costs or people who use coupons or the people getting up early for Black Friday specials. Now picture yourself letting the spinning white ball whiz right passed you, landing softly on the back screen.
The Cold Turkey Fix: Now you are ready for a non-anxious, unpredictable response. Focus intently on one of the tasty dishes on the table and respond with something like:
“I don’t know about that, but I do know that is the best sweet potato pie I’ve ever eaten. Where did you get the recipe?”
“I think all humans are nuts, don’t you? Nuts. I know I am and it’s getting worse.”
“All I know is, I’m going to buy the biggest rocket I can find to fire off the moment 2021 is officially here and 2020 is officially gone. You can still buy rockets at the fireworks stands, right? Now I have to decide the kind of music I want to use to lead up to the takeoff blast.”
Bonus Strategy: Line up three non-aggressive topic areas that you are genuinely interested in talking about and hearing what others think. Ask about the experiences of others. And listen. Ask a second question about the experience. Ask what others are thankful for this year. Share your thankfulness without putting anyone else down.
Bonus Bonus Strategy. If you find yourself hopelessly mired in a too-familiar reaction tennis match, ask, “Do you know why turkeys make good musicians?” Don’t let the “well, she’s really gone around the bend expressions stop you. Ask again. Then chuckling at your own silliness, relieve the curiosity with “Because they have drumsticks.”
