Dreams, Goals. How to Get Stuff Done

The lead photograph is a picture of Alvin Bailey, the head groom at the stable when I was a kid, a beloved friend, and one of my finest teachers. He was close to eighty when I asked him this question, “Alvin, why do you work so hard every day? Isn’t it hard to clean so many horses, giving each one care, and leading each one out to the paddocks for exercise and back again? Especially since, lots of times, the owners don’t show up for weeks?”

We were sitting on trashcans at the end of the barn on this evening as we often did, both of us waiting for our rides home.

“Well, Miss Barbara, taking care of horses is hard work but I love to see them clean and fed. I love being around you kids.”

“That’s it?”

“No, there’s another reason. When I gets home after being busy all day, I sit down in my favorite chair while my daughter finishes supper. Then I take off my shoes and, oh Lord, oh, Lordy—my feets feel so-oo good. I don’t know any other way to have that feeling.”

Comfort and ease are over-rated. We actually feel better when, at the end of the day, we have ‘used’ ourselves pursuing goals in line with our values.

What are Your Dreams and Goals?

What did you do today toward your goals?

Before we move on to ‘how to get stuff done’ let’s get the fame and riches ‘dream’ out of the way. I don’t want to bring anyone down, but it’s very unlikely, very unlikely that you will one day be rich and famous even though there are plenty of companies and people out there who will take a ride on your money by agreeing that by purchasing goods and services from them–one day you will be so special that you will not need to be concerned with the anxieties of everyday life.

When I mention he ‘fame and riches’ delusion at writers’ conferences, I don’t exactly get an ovation. Often unhappy writers tell me that if they knew for sure that what I was saying was true–they’d stop writing.

“Then, you should quit,” is my response. “Quit doing anything that is a choice and not a joy. Writing’s way too time intensive and lonely to stick with it if you’re not having a ball. Find something that is a joy and do it every day the best you can.”

Self-esteem is a byproduct of accomplishment. No goal is too small if it fits for you. If your goal is to write the history of your town or to keep the garden watered and you accomplish your goal– that will do more for your self-esteem than a boatload of people telling you how exceptional you are or any fantasy. You will have taken action in line with your goals. It doesn’t get better than that.

The Three Steps to Getting Stuff Done

DEFINE, BREAKDOWN, REWARD

1. DEFINE

The first step is to define your goal based on your values, what you think is important. Filter out any fantasies, including any expectation that anyone will clap for you. Only by doing this can you know the goal is ‘yours’ and not a sideways attempt to collect attention and prop up self-esteem.

It’s not your goal if accomplishment requires recognition. Goals need to be based on facts and fit with the hours you are living. Right now. Define.

Defined Goal example: To learn Spanish well enough to understand and be understood in Spanish-speaking countries.

I don’t have to worry much here about whether or not this goal is a sneaky attempt to be special. No one cares and the people I catch in my learning web in Mexico would definitely prefer I choose another goal.

Other likely goal examples: Establish a flower garden at the front of the house, develop closer relationships with grandchildren, write a memoir, develop painting skills, co-write a children’s book, restore a 1963 Mustang, become expert in the religions of the world, read the ten books most often  on the lists of ‘classics,’ turn the garage into a work area, run for precinct chairman for my political party, investigate charities to make choices for my own contributions and organize findings to be helpful to others.

2. BREAKDOWN

Break your goal into pieces that represent how much time each day you can devote to your goal. Use time, not project elements to set your goal for a day.

Plan: I will devote thirty minutes a day toward my goal to be fluent in Spanish. Any activity that contributes to my goal will count, including: watching television in Spanish collecting new words, thirty minutes of online teaching videos, learning a song in Spanish, having lunch with a Spanish speaking friend and only speaking Spanish for thirty minutes.

What matters is that I stay focused for thirty minutes. Thirty minutes however the day works out. Thus, if I am off to see one of my many doctors, I take a book or a video. The time in the waiting room and the time in that lonely little white closet usually lands overtime on my goal.

Bank your overtime for days when you know your attention will be focused on a specific event. Though, with a thirty minute plan, I can always find time somewhere along the way.

3. REWARD

Pick a behavior you like to do or a treat you enjoy daily. Once you have accomplished your goal, you give yourself the treat or fun time.

My system is simple after all these years. I don’t revert to total ‘me’ time until my goals for the day are accomplished. Me time is a little glass of wine and a comedy or a mystery available on the giant television at my feet. Lord, Oh, Lordy, my feets feel so-oo good.

At other times, I’ve used simple rewards. I wrote my dissertation fifteen minutes at a time. I planted myself at my desk for fifteen minutes, then I was allowed two bites of the Sara Lee cheesecake on the far corner. Only one bathroom trip an hour.

Easy to Say, Hard to Do

Discipline has an undeserved reputation. Self-discipline does not imprison you. Self-discipline sets you free. When you have self-discipline you can do what you want to do in your life because you response to challenges by focusing on solutions. You are in charge.

Be your own disciplinarian, but also your best friend. If you find it hard to stay with the task for the time you have set aside, cut that time in half. If that’s too long, halve it again. Get down to five minutes if that’s what you can manage. For that five minutes you will focus on that messy office and cluttered desk.

Here’s what your ‘not best friend’ will say once you’ve set your goal time. “Five minutes? Are you kidding? I can’t accomplish anything in five minutes.”

Be ready for your ‘best friend self’ to reply, “Oh, and you’re accomplishing just how much by telling yourself over and over that someday—when you have more time—you will clean up the office—that day when you have more time?”

That ‘more time’ never gets here. And you feel lousy. Lack of accomplishment in areas important to you grows a mold of self-degradation and worst of all—hopelessness.

The disappointment of going day after day without a feeling of accomplishment can ease in to depression in a hurry. Self Esteem isn’t the result of other people thinking we’re great. Self Esteem is the byproduct of accomplishment.

Go for it.