Stress on the Cool, Blue Mediterranean
Stress and Group Think Invade Istanbul and Mexico City and a Cruise Ship in the Carribean, Part One
Isn’t Taking a Vacation about Escaping Stress?
The next three entries will be examples of ‘group think’ and pressure to conform from around the world.
These situations are not nearly as stressful as the persuasive tactics used by Jim Jones and James Arthur Ray in the Arizona sweat lodge, but the nature of the emotional process is the same.
Dateline One: Lost in Istanbul
“A person with a well-differentiated “self” recognizes his realistic dependence on others, but he can stay calm and clear headed enough in the face of conflict, criticism, and rejection to distinguish thinking rooted in a careful assessment of the facts from thinking clouded by emotionality. Thoughtfully acquired principles help guide decision-making about important family and social issues, making him less at the mercy of the feelings of the moment.” Bowen Theory
Turkish Stress
The pressure to conform part of the adventure in Istanbul did not actually occur in Istanbul, but later when I was telling a group of friends and co-workers about my stepmother’s time lost in the Turkish city. My parents had been on an extended
cruise involving many stopovers around the Mediterranean when my stepmother got separated from the group and ended up thoroughly lost among the city of five-hundred mosques and many, many thousands of bicyclists, Moped riders, and
taxi drivers with their eyes on martyrdom in the streets. As was the agreement between my parents, when my father couldn’t locate his wife, he sailed out with the group knowing she would catch up with him at a future port of call. Which is what happened in spite of the fact that my stepmother had no money or credit card on her….
The pressure to conform occurred as I shared my admiration for my father’s resourceful wife. What I thought was a lovely story was heard quite differently. What I thought was a compliment to my stepmother and my father’s relationship was seen as disturbing evidence that my father was not nearly the really nice guy I’d always portrayed him to be.
Here are the remarks I expected to hear: “Wow, she must be one confident woman.” “That’s a good idea—having a plan so that they don’t both end up lost.” “Your father must think a lot of his wife.”
Here are the remarks I heard: “That’s absolutely the most horrible thing I’ve ever heard a husband do!” “Why does your stepmother put up with that kind of treatment?” “That’s abuse. Just think of all the horrible things that
could have happened to her!” “How selfish can a man get?” “You read the papers, you read the news. He had to know what horrible things they do to womenthere! How could he just leave her there?”
Mostly I just blinked. I didn’t point out that my father’s staying would not have changed any of the “horrible things they do to women over there.” Agreement was reached that my father was an uncaring, selfish man. I blinked some more. I did not tell them I was driving to out-of-town horse shows on my own when I was fourteen or that I rode the train to Mexico City by myself the summer I was fifteen. Or that I’d headed back to that fabulous city in July.
Oh, and speaking of Mexico City. This fair city will be the next site of the‘group think’ ‘individual think’ dilemma.
