Were you as shocked as I was to hear Radio Dr. Perfect say that if a husband goes to prostitutes, his behavior is the fault of his wife. Were you?
Apparently, YOU are RESPONSIBLE for your MAN’S happiness. Every second of his life. That’s what it means to go down that aisle. YOU ARE NOW RESPONSIBLE for his life satisfaction. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE for the marriage.
Not I’m not bashing the guys, read on. I believe men love woman who are real, just as we love men who are true to themselves.
How much of your energy goes into making sure the person you are with is not anxious? How much of your intimate relationship is spent trying to keep the other satisfied? Making sure he is calm? 
How much of your energy goes into keeping yourself non-anxious by making sure he is not upset? Making sure he is pleased?
Me? I don’t have a problem with this. At least I don’t until someone I care about raises an eyebrow. A quick study, my first marriage dragged on for ten glorious months. Returning as the token divorced sophomore at the university, my friends asked, “So, will you get married again?” “Nope, I assured them. I’m not good at it. I change into a different person.”
A sweeter and more manageable person than I really am.
I was speaking from experience, but not because a man had been mean or pushy. I was steering away (okay, I know, not for that long) because I knew that when I became “invested” in someone I cared about . . . I would be anxious to keep him happy. 
To keep him happy, I WOULD CHANGE in ways to keep him from being anxious. I’d say “yes” when I meant “no.” I’d tone down my boisterousness to keep him settled. I’d pretend to agree with limitations on my future I’d didn’t truly believe were necessary.
Thus, to be myself, I’d have to be by myself. Of course, this is hooey. Just my Emotional Guidance System talking. This is the part of me which believes I cannot tolerate anxiety. That short-term comfort is to be maintained at all costs. That if I love someone, I’ll never challenge their comfort. That if he is uncomfortable, I ought to fix it. Especially, if all that’s required is turning into a great big FAKE.
My Emotional Guidance System can even convince me HE’S THE ONE who’s MAKING ME say “no” to the truth.
Of course, my Thinking Guidance System is trying to be heard. That part of my brain is screaming, “Hey, stupid! You know that you’re going to end up angry at him and wanting to leave. AND IT WOULDN’T BE HIS FAULT.
What can you do? Where can you start? Slow down. Take a deep breath. The first step is always learning to manage your anxiety better. Remember, it’s not his fault. You can take all that energy and power poured into keeping him from being anxious — drink it back in — and use it to manage your own anxiety.
Once we’re calm, we can think.
I don’t want to preach. We’re figuring this out together. 
Tomorrow, the moment on the plane when I really understood what it meant to be a DEFINED PERSON and BE MARRIED.
