The infectiousness and just plain annoying elements of blatant complaining are obvious. Less obvious changes happen when someone more subtly speaks negatively about the less than Disney blue-bird-tweeting perfect elements in our Universe. 

Of course, as always, subjectivity rules. The feature being complained about only need be unpleasant to the beholder. 

However, the beholder of the negative comment can pass along discomfort.  When someone else complains, we are more likely to notice unpleasant features we likely wouldn’t have noticed at all.

How this works to eat away at relationships…is a wonder. Stay tuned for the “’Didn’t You Say She Has a Self Esteem Problem?’ Incident.”

The Very Particular Tea Lady Incident:

The NCIS Los Angeles (television show) team has a tiny, but formidable female leader, Hetty Lange.  Hetty is an educated tea drinker. When she wants to confer with one of her staff, she often asks them to join in a cup.  On one episode she invites in one of the men in and he arrives prepared with several fresh tea bags of Hetty’s favorite blend. Hetty says “Thanks, but no thanks,” and prepares the tea using leaves and a strainer bowl.

“You can taste the paper,” says Hetty, with slight distaste explaining her behavior.

“Oh,” says the staffer, “I hadn’t noticed.”

Toward the end of the program the same staff member arrives for a meeting, this time with loose tea.

Hetty smiles.  The staffer shrugs and admits, “You can taste the paper.”

Now here’s the thing.  He didn’t taste the paper before.

What would it take to get you to relax…Now?  What if…this is as good as it gets?

Dateline:  Second story veranda in Texas.  I am in my underwear power-hosing the doggie run…to be sure you have the full picture …see “How to Ruin a Relationship, the Power Hose Incident.”

In my right hand is the power hose.  In my left is a broom.  I am alternating hose spraying and broom pushing water off the edge and I soap and rinse the outdoor carpet.  I am doing my best to hurry, to get the job over.  This isn’t fun.  My arms ache.  Water keeps oozing back toward the wall.  I’m a bit peeved at the whole concept of spending a piece of my life hosing and sweeping…hosing and sweeping…hosing and sweeping.

Which is when a dangerous thought occurred to me….a thought which will change your life…if you ‘get’ it.  It’s a biggie…a toughie…but we can try this together.  In several sections.

What occurred to me was this question:  “Would I be ‘doing’ the job of hosing and sweeping differently if I were being paid for the job?”

Which led to the thought:  “How would my experience of hosing and sweeping be different if I were being paid by the HOUR to do the job?”   That is, I had to out on the veranda hosing and sweeping for a preset number of hours.  How would my internal experience be different if I wasn’t trying so hard to ‘get finished’?

I slowed down.  I stopped pushing the broom as hard and fast.  I danced in long, sweeping movements.  I slipped into a few stanzas of Delta Dawn….I noticed the beyond the balcony.  Corny, I know.  But, that’s what happened.  “Del-ta-uh Dawn…What’s that flower you have on?…”

Which is when I asked myself, “How would my life experience be different… if when my lifetime was assigned to me, God had looked at me and said, “You do realize you have been given an hourly job…that there’s nothing you need to finish?”

“People round Brownsville says she’s crazy…”

In other words, ‘0’ represents a person whose momentary feelings determine all decisions in her life….Let’s say…the Octamom.

And ‘100’ represents the person who confers with the Thinking Guidance System, a human who considers the long term results, when making decisions….Let’s say….Gandi.

Remember, feelings are not bad….feelings make life rich and deep.  But if you use transient feelings to decide long term issues for you….Your life will not turn out so well.  Which brings us back to our continuum. 

Where the ‘0’ end is headed up by the Octamom.  And the ‘100’ end, is represented by Gandi.

Notice, particularly, to what degree each person takes the welfare of others into account.  One person draws attention to herself by sacrificing eight (14 children in all)… The other person sacrifices himself to call attention to the plight of his people.

Now, if you’re still thinking, uh, FEELING, there’s a new miracle diet out there….You should know that the Octamom is coming out with a book on….Yep….on the special weight-loss secrets she employed to take off that extra baby (X8) weight.

Personally, I can do without her advice.  Just hand me a couple more of those Hollywood Cookie Diet goodies, would you please?