Which, of course, they are going to be anyway. But since we’ve given our precious permission, what that means is that we CANNOT be all surprised when they are themselves.
Remember we expected that. Gave permission. Later in evolvement we’ll even recognize that others have THE RIGHT to be themselves. But, not yet. For now we’re just being generous.
Which means:
The person who cuts in front of you at the grocery store with 80 items, you said she could do that.
The person who’s late to Thanksgiving dinner–you said that would be fine.
You gave the person who doesn’t return your e-mail for four days–you gave permission.
The person who has too much wine at dinner–you gave them permission.
The one who cannot stop talking about the one who had too much wine–you gave her permission.
The one who spends Thanksgiving talking about how diets–you gave her permission.
The one who undercooks an item and the one who burns one–you gave them permission.
The people who’ve had their Christmas lights up since mid-October–you gave them permission.
All those people jamming up the roadways–you gave them permission.
The guy who will whack me in the head as he puts his bag in the overhead on the plane–I hereby GIVE HIM PERMISSION.
Are you getting a feel for HOW ABSOLUTELY FREEING IT IS to turn your focus away from CHANGING OTHERS to MANAGING YOURSELF? 
Hey, grab a snack. This exercise is going to be a lot of fun.
As you ready for Thanksgiving and family, comfortable in the knowledge that in spite of what you want from them, they are going to be themselves–
Think of the person you have the most difficulty with (No, you don’t get to defend and say it’s HIS/HER fault)–and
Give him or her YOUR PERSONAL PRECIOUS PERMISSION 
to be just who they are.
Whew. That’s a relief. You have your power back. You’re in charge of what goes on inside your chest cavity no matter what others do.
I have more time and energy now. 
And I’m not dreading because I’ve given my permission for my people to stay just the way they are.
Thanksgiving. Wasn’t it about inviting the natives of this country to a feast? Well, it’s not anymore. Now it’s about food, family, and football. And, at least for me, it’s not that easy.
Maybe you’re different, but I find it easier to tell my goals to a stranger on a plane than it is to talk to a family member? Why? Because I care too much what a family member says. What he or she thinks.
Thus I OVER-LISTEN and OVER-REACT. 
I have a picture in my head as to how my SISTER, MOTHER, BROTHER, BROTHER-IN-LAW, should respond to me. When they do not . . . and they’re always failing me . . . I lose charge of my emotional steadiness. In fact, as we all know, any problems I have in my life today are because of their failures. Ask any psychologist.
THE TRIPLICATE MYTH: If I my parents and siblings had properly loved me, I would be an all-happy person now–effortlessly. 
If my spouse properly loved me, i would be an all-happy person, now–effortlessly.
If, you, my therapist could properly loved me, I will be an all-happy person–effortlessly.
Oh no. I just blew my own cover. This being IN CHARGE of self is going to be really hard if I can’t convince my family, friends, and casual acquaintances to give me the attention and support I MUST HAVE.
Particularly, since unlike me. They are nuts. 
