Big plans for 2010, and you guys are invited on the journey toward actual personal change. I’m thinking a two-pronged effort toward reducing my Emotional Guidance System’s judging of other people and my Emotional Guidance System’s way of always jumping to the worst conclusions when plans go awry.
I know. Huge. But…before I let go of the judgmental habit…You shall hear of the Rude Woman in Seat 20B on the flight from DFW to Cabo San Lucas…I promise you, you aren’t going to believe her.
….
Jellybeans….Jellybeans were everywhere…and I didn’t have time or energy for the clumsy interruption. Who does have the time for messy interuptions?
Trudging my computer case across the tiled floor of my office and out to my car, I bent over to pick up a Coke can I’d earlier set by a chair…
When the opened box of Ike and Mike’s (tube-shaped jellybeans for those into adult foods) tucked into one of the case’s pockets splattered everywhere… I snarled, I cursed, I bent over to pick up the flying pieces….Of course, in the process, I spilled more as, in my hurry and misery, I hadn’t secured the box. I snarled and cursed some more.
Always ready to take control, my Emotional Guidance System, (search site, if unfamiliar) SAID: “Great! Just what I needed! I’ve had it! This is too much. My knees are alreadykilling me, I’m late for an appointment…. Crazy dog will be in here hogging these jellies down any second…and I’ll have multi-colored poop to deal with for days!
This is terrible, horrible, and unbelievable! I drop my computer case…on my foot… “%#@&”… This is just great.
That’s when “the moment” happened without any warning. After years of training in psychology, Eastern meditation, libraries of books, and many hours instructing others in emotional life….
The moment occurred without effort on my part.
Some little creature inside my brain hit me square between my squinty eyes. “What keeps you…from enjoying this moment just as much as you enjoyed playing fetch with Crazy Dog last night?”
What? Is it possible that all those psychologists saying each person is in charge or his or her own happiness…actually have something? And, if they (we) have…why is it so difficult If being alive is being in each and every second?
What is keeping me…you… from enjoying this moment….the one NOW… as much as the favorite moment you are planning this holiday?
I don’t have an answer. When the ‘moment’ occurred, I felt something loosen. And I smiled, just a little.
I know, this is heady stuff. To think all this could come from splattered jellybeans.
According to the evil announcer behind the televion and computer screen, Snuggies are perfect for the whole family. Now, there’s a way to shorten up your Christmas list in a hurry.
Also, the evil voice informs us that Snuggies are great for wearing to football games. Okay, let’s see how strong you are. One of our local teams is going to play in the State Champion game….Your mother walks in and says: “Guess what? Everyone in the family gets to open one of their presents early!”
Each member of the family is given a Snuggie…one red, one leopard print, two zebras, one blue polka dot. You go to the high school playing the game. Can you take one for the family?
I now have $165.00 in the donation kitty for Touching Hearts, Bridging Hope. Thanks. Now, if I can just regain the feeling in my feet, I just might make it back over the border. See previous post for details.
Dateline: Nuevo Laredo, Mexico….Over the border and through the dust to many grandmothers’ cardboard and tin houses we went….
My first impression on the job with Bridging Hearts? A person should really get into this sort of project when she’s younger…a lot younger. My special person winced and agreed.
Our helping out the border economy started right off the bat. We had four huge and heavy black garbage bags full of 1000 toothbrushes and toothpastes… (Thank you Austin dentists!)…to cart over the Rio Grande Bridge into Nuevo Laredo. As soon as we cleared the gate, we hired a couple of fellows for outrageous amounts (what you send out comes back)…little did they know they could have named their price.
Two poor guys crossed the bridge that morning feeling lucky and smiling…and we were feeling lucky and, well, like this day wasn’t as hard as we’d been imagining…
Wrong. From the bridge we piled the bags in with the other goodies and went to the orphanage where the girls had been up since five putting together bags for the families in the colonias…an orange, a sandwich, a bag of beans, and a box of cereal. Pickups loaded, we headed out into the hinterlands outside of town arriving in Insurjentes, a colonia of tin an cardboard houses. The next several hours we held lines in place as people lined up as far as we could see.
Now, you have the picture, right? Two pale-faced middle-aged psychologists who failed out of the Scouts…standing proud and brave in the dust and the sun…like the saviors in the Magnificant Seven (kick in the soundtrack, or maybe a few verses of Lonely Bull) …now hold that thought.
The truth? My nose bleeding and my face cracked, feet killing me, and my arm muscles on fire…I leaned over to my special person and said, “You…me…room service…iced fume blanc…six hours.”
Somehow we climbed dizzily into Master Peggy’s giant pickup which is hiked up…as best as I can recall…four feet off the ground to take the enormous ruts and ’so-called’ roads. From there, back to the orphanage, then crawl back in the pickup with the grocery list–10 dozen eggs, boxes and boxes of oranges. Forty bags of sugar… We smiled when Peggy said…”No, not a dozen potatoes…a dozen bags…
And, my special person tagged my trembling hand and whispered, “air-conditioning, room service, football…three hours..”
Kicked into a sort of fervent overdrive, we return to the home, cook, serve….when asked how we’re doing… we’d say, “Oh, no, really, we’re just fine…”
At least until around nine when we begged for a taxi. The time waiting at the gate with the little old nun who insisted on waiting with us until the taxi arrived…was perfect.
The taxi dropped us off on the Mexico side and special person and I stared at the long bridge. He said one word…”football,” and we launched…we dragged…we used the grab bar shamelessly.
I had an idea that readers might like to be part of Touching Hearts…in spirit, at least.
First let me say, I am opposed to the typical Christmas gift campaign reaching into your Emotional Guidance System saying a certain amount of profit will go to a charity. And, to the dismay of my publisher, promotion is not my long suit….That said, after my experience in the colonias across the border, I’ve been thinking of fun ways to contribute to the lives of the very poor and I thought it would be kind of fun to make a game of the practice.
Thus, when you buy a copy of TOO RICH and TOO THIN, Not an Autobiograpy, a gift for someone, perhaps,from whatever source, between now and Christmas, I will add $5.00 to the January pot. Now here’s the hard sell…
I will put the money in anyway. I’m asking you to send me an email (bdeshong@austin.rr.com) and let me know you bought a book. And here’s the good part…You don’t even have to tell the truth, I’m not checking. You can just tell me you bought a book and I’ll add your $5.00 to the kitty. This is not a way to collect email addresses, I’m not that promoter-sophisticated or sneaky enough for that.
I just think it will be fun. And worth it. You’ll get an update on “Weinnies Under the Wire.”
   Bridging Hope is a group of private citizen sponsors, churches, and other contributors who strive to make a difference in the lives of the poor and less fortunate. They organize group trips and activities for volunteers to help out in sponsored mission opportunities for the abandoned, abused,and neglected children of Nuevo Laredo, Mexico. Every penny that is donated to the charity goes directly to the girls, and thanks to the artful negotiations and bargain hunting of Peggy Gerke, the woman who runs the charity, every dollar becomes two! This year we are helping to deliver gifts and essentials so the girls can enjoy the holiday season. One of the most requested items on their Christmas lists was a toothbrush. Thanks to the generosity of local Austin dentists, we have plenty for the trip across the border. More details on the adventure when we get back. If you would like to help out this great organization, this year I will add $5.00 to my donation for each person who buys a copy of Too Rich and Too Thin between now and Christmas. All you need to is tell me you bought a book by posting a comment, or sending an email to bdeshong@austin.rr.com. If you want to make a direct donation, please visit the Bridging Hope website. Thank you! |
Good News on the BORDER CROSSING:Well, we made it back in one piece! Read all the exciting deatails in the update: Fear, Dust, and a Longing Under the Wire. |
Dateline: Laredo. Restaurant La Posada, hotel backed up to the Rio Grande. In thirty minutes, my special person and I will walk the long bridge dragging plastic garbage bags full of toothbrushes and toothpaste. About a thousand of each. Thank you dentists of Austin!
And I’m anxious as all get out. I’m not sure our government at work will let us cross with our bounty. Years back dragging school supplies in a similar manner I was turned back before accused of taking mechandise across to sell. So there’s that. Then there’s the murder rate in Nuevo Laredo and the fact that there are no longer any police. (The last police chief lasted three and a half hours.)
But mostly I’m anxious because, at long last, I’m putting myself where my mouth has been. I’m going in and mingle with the real people with nothing.
As Mark Twain is famous for saying, “I can resist anything but temptation,” I can do anything that doesn’t require any true change or ’stretching’ on my part. So here goes a wennie under the radar.
Report to follow. If you never hear from me again, please forward this post to the proper authorities.
There I was in Vegas… with a surly waitress and some crummy little shrimp and… I was as disappointed as a four-year-old staring out the window at the rain. See the “Surly Waitress” incident.
What to do? What to do? sought direction. I called on my two guidance systems.
The Emotional Guidance System said: You are being a brat here. This meal costs twenty-five dollars, you CANNOT just leave an expensive meal. You’re making too much of this! You are too picky. Hundreds of thousands, no, millions of people around the world, are going to bed hungry, and you, you are turning away from an expensive meal of shrimp. There was a time when you and the special person travelled with a steno pad and wrote down every penny spent, staying in ratty motels and able to get lunch for a dollar (loaf of bread and a can of bean dip). What’s happened that you are now such a brat? It’s your fault for ordering seafood in the middle of the desert. These shrimp were flown in over many miles. Think of it, woman. These shrimp have given you their lives!
The Thinking Guidance System said: Okay, probably life would be easier if you were a bit more adaptable, but the FACTS ARE…you can afford to walk this joint and find a cozier place with a happier staff. While there was a time when you would have to do without something else that day if you spent five dollars extra on a meal…but that was then. This is now. You can afford to escape. The reality is, no one but you will be inconvenienced by your changing restaurants. No one.
I decided to split. I asked for a to-go box and packed up the shrimp. (Which I dumped in the trash on my way to the next restaurant, as intended…but I thought taking the shrimp to-go and faking a mild emergency made me look less foolish….Okay, I know…I didn’t say I escaped the waitress from the frowny side of the street and her tiny shrimp without some concessions to my Emotional Guidance System.)
I left the waitress a ten dollar tip and a smile, hoping her day might pick up and headed for the buffet and a really perfect booth where I computed and piddled for hours. (Did you know the buffets in Las Vegas now have all day passes for tourists wanted to have it all and often? I ask you, could this be a good thing?)
The Point: Sometimes you can escape. Remember the people who grew up in the depression and couldn’t spend money in accord with current circumstances? Of course, many people attempt to spend themselves out of anxious situations when they cannot afford the cost … and end up causing all sorts of long-term problems.
An important contribution of the Thinking Guidance System is in avoiding generalizations. The Emotional Guidance System lumps situations together saying, “If you allow yourself to switch restaurants and end up paying for two meals, what’s going to keep you from buying a bunch of timeshares in Tahiti you can’t use?”
