“Exactly What Is YOUR Problem?”
EXACTLY, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?
I know, I know. I’ve been lax (how about negligent) recently. Thus, let’s start with a fire-starter, a life-changer. Keep in mind, these simple changes are VERY HARD. Changes of this magnitude require:
MANAGING YOUR ANXIETY.
THINKING. 
And,
TAKING A CHANCE ON NEW BEHAVIOR. Which adds up to realizing you have a CHOICE on how to take the behavior of others.
The Houdini Husband Incident: It only took me a few years to learn that when my husband said, “We ought to have a the Windbergs and the Johnson’s over for dinner,” –what he was actually saying was, “Why don’t you get my calendar and your calendar, find the phone numbers for the Windbergs and the Johnson’s, call them, coordinate schedules, figure out what to serve, make sure the scene is set, and, about ten minutes before they arrive, let me know.” 
The ten minute warning, of course, turned out to be a signal for him to engross himself in the computer or return that critical phone call to a client, therefore absorbing him during those sometimes awkward moments when guests first arrive.
Now, remember. I NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER forget that I am as difficult to live with as my husband. 
I am. It’s just that I’m the one writing and you get my side.
The Houdini Husband routine is a frequent style. H. H. (whose hair turned white in his thirties) is known as the Gray Flash for his in-and-out speed at horseshows. And my AUTOMATIC reaction to his slippery methods is anger. 
A stewing, messy focus on what, in my expert opinion, he’s doing wrong. What HE MUST CHANGE if I’m to relax and get on with my life. Yeah, I know, it’s hard to imagine ME with less than a cheery outlook. Oh. You were there? You saw what I did? I can explain.
Yesterday, during the first day of H.H.’s brother’s visit, we were to meet my parents for breakfast. All arrived at the appointed time except for H.H. who, according to his brother, had a few errands to run before breakfast. Read: “Catch up with you guys later, alligator.”
I was hacked. 
That serene radiance my family depends on, faded as I ordered my eggs. Then this little light went off.
I HAD A CHOICE. I could be pissed if that’s what I chose.
I’m certainly familiar with how that response works out. Or, I could choose another response. 
I could let it go. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Take a chance that being the good and loving man, the nicer person than me, that he’d made a choice that was going to work out okay, and just maybe the story I was telling myself, the character I was making up, were not accurate.
Somehow I did it. Let it go. 
Oh, yeah. Turns out his brother was mistaken about when H.H. was running errands and the reason H.H. wasn’t at the table was because he was indisposed– a result of steamed broccoli with some kind of Thai peppers from the night before.
mysteryshrink @ June 6, 2008