Getting a Grip on your EMOTIONS: The Hot Tea Incident

     How can I work toward becoming a SELF DEFINED PERSON,  a person whose life goes better because I’m basing my decisions on my BEST THINKING, instead of basing my actions on EMOTIONAL PRESSURE from other people or my own fears and anxieties?

    How can I manage my anxiety– 

    How can I change my reactions–

    When those reactions are AUTOMATIC? 

    Because my reactions are not automatic–  It just seems that way.  If I have no power over them, then it is hopeless, and the quality of life I experience day to day is a crap-shoot.  The kind of marriage I have is up to the kind of person my husband wants to be and whether or not people at work and in my family treat me the way I think I should be treated.

     And, remember, depending on other people treating us like we want to be treated (at all times) is futile, time-consuming, and complicated–since they are such poor listeners to our suggestions.

     THE DAY I LEARNED that my reactions were ontrolled by powerwithin my own brain:   

Dateline:  Counseling Center, at this time I’m an intern at the FREE CLINIC about to see a couple for marriage counseling, the second couple I’ve ever seen.  (An object lesson in you get what you pay for.)

I’ve nervously settled the couple into plastic chairs in the tiny room.    Next to the therapy room, on the other side of a louvered screen,   is a tiny service alcove with a sink and a small stove where I’ve boiled some water for a cup a tea.  The plan was to have something to do with my hands.  Tea was a poor substitute for the beards some of my colleagues had to play with during their first hours on their own, but it’s what I had.

I place a teabag in my mug, hold the mug over the sink, and pour in water from the teapot.  Did I mention I was a little tense?

Then:   !%#!#@!&! and SUPERBLEEP! !   I hadn’t noticed the water was boiling.  Churning water poured over my entire hand.  !@#!**!

Scarlet blotches streaked over my skin.  I couldn’t breathe.     Pain flamed over my hand and streaked up my arm.  I am never one to suffer in silence.    Never.  Where hotel beds are concerned I have been referred to as the “princess who noticed the mustard seed under her mattress.”

Here’s the thing.  I DID NOT SAY ANYTHING.  We’re talking a big, bad burn.  I was silent.  (True, I was mouthing a few choice comments.)  I paused over the sink until I could breathe, poured the excess out of my cup, returned to my plastic chair, and asked the wife and the husband what they hoped to gain from the process.  I asked questions, gave comments, and made sense (that’s a guess), all the time watching as knuckle-sized whelps and blisters formed during the hour.

I’m not proud of my language sophistication where pain is involved.  I grew up showing horses with colorful riding coaches expressing themselves without rebuke.    Before the HOT TEA INCIDENT, I would have said, “I couldn’t help it.  My response was automatic.” 

After that, I knew I could manage my response if the STAKES WERE HIGH ENOUGH.     Now, I’m sad to say, I’d probably just let go, just share my pain with everyone in a several block area.  But, that day, nothing was more important to me than to SURVIVE the hour.  My lack of experience had me carefully monitoring my responses to create the proper impression.  A proper impression was pretty much the only credential I had. 

That afternoon I knew I had more control of my responses than I’d ever wanted to accept is possible.  And I knew I wanted to study and work until I could GET A BETTER GRIP.

This journey we’re on, is about you too, learning how to manage your anxiety and emotions.   And, now, you, too have to face the possibility that you have more POWER over yourself than you thought.

Whew .  .  .   

Tomorrow:  Is over-reacting emotionally an ADDICTION?